Movie Night XI: The Goatening

This contains the movie night of this week and last week…COMBINED! Not that this is a relevant distinction in any way, but there it is anyway.

Fracture (2007)fractureAnother law thriller from the director of Primal Fear. A bit more predictable than Primal Fear, but it was still clever and interesting enough to be worthwhile.

Masters of the Universe (1987)mastersoftheuniverseHe-Man and friends, including his new movie buddy Gwildor the science midget, literally drive around Earth in a pink Cadillac and save the world using the power of synthesizers. No, really. That’s the movie. Fucking awful as a He-Man movie, but somehow it’s still enjoyable as a goofy, braindead 80s sci-fi fantasy movie.

The Deer Hunter (1978)deerhunterThis was an…interesting movie. There were 1 or 2 scenes that I will probably never, ever forget. If you’ve seen this, you know exactly which ones I mean. I don’t think I’ll ever watch this again though, because so much of the content surrounding those few intense scenes was just so horribly paced and boring. Over an hour is spent over-examining the small town the main characters come from. That much setup was not needed to show that the main characters come from a happy little country town where nothing ever happens and they have to entertain themselves by being a bunch of drunk driving assholes all the time. I got it in the first 10 minutes, but it just goes on and on and by the end of it I didn’t really like any of these characters much anymore. Then boom, after all that buildup they just abruptly cut to them being POWs in Vietnam, which obviously does not go too well for anyone. DeNiro comes home later and has trouble re-adjusting and seems to come to realize that his friends are really clueless, drunken idiots and that they were all pretty ignorant in their youth, which I guess was the point of making them all seem so unpleasant, but I still didn’t need to sit through so much of it. There must have been about a full hour of various scenes of them all just being really drunk and breaking into a song and I just don’t care. I couldn’t sit through the 2 or more hours of garbage just to get to those few unforgettable bits again.

Public Enemies (2009)publicenemiesThe interesting story of John Dillinger who apparently was very clever and daring, yet also somehow simultaneously kind of a crazy idiot. It was also interesting that the FBI were so utterly incompetent in dealing with this case, despite the fact that they eventually win in the end. Basically, everyone in this story is just a trigger-happy moron that you don’t really feel too bad for at all. Still, it was entertaining to see how it played out.

Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015)starwars7Still surprised at how much I enjoy this movie. I have never seen an Abrams film that I liked and there were a few moments where some really out of place comedy starts to push through and almost spoils the moment, but for the most part it’s just a damn fun movie and gives me a lot of hope for the new Cinematic Universe that’s going to grow out of it.

Vanilla Sky (2001)vanillaskyThis a hard movie to talk about, because it’s the kind of movie that you need to go into knowing as little as possible for it to have the full effect, and you can’t really get into any details without possibly giving it away. Even looking at what genre it is is too much. Just watch it and thank me later.

Revenge (1990)revengeIt’s funny, because this movie is called REVENGE, yet there is almost no revenge in it. This is the story of a retired Air Force fighter pilot who is just kind of an unbearable asshole to everyone he meets from the beginning. As soon as he retires he’s invited to his friend’s house to hang out. His friend just happens to be the crime lord of Mexico. It is never explained how these guys know each other or why Kevin Costner doesn’t seem to know or care at all that his friend is the crime lord of Mexico. Naturally the first things Kevin Costner’s dick character does is piss off his buddy’s other mobster friends and then fuck his friend’s wife in his friend’s own house, and this is the guy we’re supposed to be rooting for as the revenge hero. He then proceeds to just stick around in Mexico forever, pissing off even more mobsters and getting even more reckless and daring in his affair for no better reason than that he’s a dumbass adrenaline junkie. They get caught and obviously crime lord friend is not happy so crime lord shoots Kevin Costner’s dog, beats him up, burns down his shitty Mexican shack, and sends the wife off to be drugged up and pimped out. Obviously he survives, but only with the help of some Mexican shaman granny who for no fucking reason is loosely implied to have used mystical powers to heal him. Then he wanders around meeting a bunch of new characters that he hangs out with to no real effect as he talks about revenge a lot, but doesn’t really actually get much of it. He doesn’t get it together enough to go attack his crime lord friend until the last 10 minutes or so and by then I just didn’t care. Oh, and he finds the wife at the very end, but she just dies immediately anyway for extremely unclear reasons. They had been drugging her at the whorehouse and so she was going through heroin withdrawal and I guess that just suddenly killed her? They don’t bother to explain and I don’t care. Fuck this movie.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.