Watchin’ Stuff

Am I watching a lot more movies lately or is it just that I’m now writing little entries even for terrible-ass movies that I turn off after 20 minutes, which I didn’t use to bother with? Perhaps a bit of both…

Oh no. I don’t know how this got into the pile. A Troma movie, and it’s not even really a horror movie. The script actually seems kind of interesting, dealing with a Vietnam vet whose post-war life is falling apart in a really ugly way, but every other single aspect of the production is just so painfully bad. Absolutely terrible acting, make-up, music, effects, etc. This is why I generally avoid Troma stuff. They’re a little too far under the bar of awful old movies for me.

An…interesting first entry from the director of the decent The Devil’s Candy. Crazy teenage girl and her father kidnap a guy she likes and they act really crazy and torture him a lot, and…that’s about it. This movie has apparently gotten a lot of praise for the characters, but I didn’t really see what the big deal was about them. The main character and his girlfriend barely even have any lines after the first 15 minutes or so. The subplot of the goofy friend and his prom date just kind of feels like filler. I almost turned it off, but it starts getting even more messed up in the last third of the movie, enough that it kind of salvaged the whole experience.

Speaking of torture…this was a nutty little film about some very dumb college kids getting captured in the jungle by some very angry cannibals. Eli Roth movies sure aren’t for everyone. Sometimes the comic relief bits can feel a bit out of place among such seriously graphic violence, but I don’t know, somehow it kind of works for me. Again, not an amazing movie, but it kept me interested and entertained most of the time.

British horror anthology from the early 70’s. It tries so hard and does a lot of things right, but ultimately it’s just way too tame. This would be tame horror even by network TV standards. That’s about what it felt like actually, like some rejected episodes an old show like Tales From The Darkside or something. Just didn’t do it for me.

Flatliners was clearly trying to be a horror movie, but it was never all that scary. I guess the dead kid that harassed Kiefer Sutherland was slightly creepy, but it was overall more of a sci-fi fantasy kind of thing really. It’s no Lost Boys, but it’s a decent enough old-timey Schumacher movie. Good enough to warrant a modern, luke-warm looking remake, I guess!

Here’s another Schumacher movie that I’ve never even heard of before. Some say it’s one of the worst movies he’s ever done, but I actually liked it. Michael Fassbender is an undead Nazi necromancer who needs blood and isn’t afraid to send zombie horses after you to get it. I can’t help but like that.

Eli Roth’s latest movie, apparently. Eh. Didn’t do much for me. I appreciate the idea of turning the tables and having attractive young women be the menacers instead of the menaced, but something about it just didn’t work for me. I didn’t feel much sympathy for Keanu, since he let these strange people into his house while his family was away and then had sex with him. The whole thing is actually like a long, violent PSA about the dangers of cheating. I didn’t really need a “scary” movie to tell me that. *shrug*

Honestly, this is not a very good movie, but it’s a horror anthology about killer cats (and their victims who deserved it) so it has a certain charm to it. Kind of like an earlier version of Cat’s Eye, but with even more cats. It’s a nice so-bad-it’s-good movie for cat fans at least.

From the previews, this seemed to be the ladies’ answer to John Wick, but I don’t know if that’s quite accurate. It has a good retro score and is extremely impressive visually, but it had some pacing issues and was pretty predictable. The first hour really starts dragging, but then the second hour suddenly picks up into almost non-stop action and intrigue that goes by incredibly quickly. I suppose in the end, I liked more of it than I disliked, but if they decide to do more of these, the sneaky spy conspiracy part of the plot could use a little more work.

When a man’s family is killed and his girlfriend raped, the only thing left for him to do is…build a big monster truck with a giant drill on it and get oddly specific car-related revenge? I don’t know why I bother with things like this. It was bad. OF COURSE it was bad. It was actually a little less terrible than I expected it to be, but still not good. Naturally, the rolling vengeance itself appears very rarely, and doesn’t look all that good when it does. I should have known better, but it just sounded so silly. Oh well.

And finally, just got back from seeing this. Damn good stuff. There are some…surprising developments. That’s all I’ll say about that. Just a thoroughly enjoyable movie without a single boring moment in sight. Little heavier on the comedy than you’d maybe expect from a Thor movie, but somehow it works and doesn’t take away anything from the main serious plot. Good times. Infinity War cannot come fast enough…

4 thoughts on “Watchin’ Stuff

  1. Whoa, you sure watched a lot, but there were some pretty interesting movies in there. I liked Blood Creek a lot as well. It wasn’t the best thing you will ever see, but there was enough in it that was pretty creepy (especially that scene with the horse). Knock knock was really horrible. Terrible and over the top acting by Keanu….ugggh. Thor and Atomic Blonde were a lot of fun, although I have to say that I liked Thor the most. Great post! 😀

  2. Ohhhh, someone was telling me about Knock Knock recently and I hadn’t realized it was an Eli Roth movie. Interesting. I’d been wondering about The Green Inferno, too, but still have yet to watch it. Sounds like it’s the better of the 2 to watch. 🙂
    Thor: Ragnarok was a really good, fun movie. I definitely enjoyed it.
    Was glad to read your thoughts on The Loved Ones. Like you mentioned, I’d heard a lot of praise on it, so it’s too bad to hear it didn’t really live up to what you were hoping for.

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