Night of the Emus

Did you ever play Ikari Warriors and think “they should make a game that’s just the tanks in this”? Well, you should try Iron Tank then. Iron Tank unsurprisingly has you controlling a tank, and you’re supposed to be invading Normandy in World War 2 I guess, except the bad guys all have weird future tanks and the game says this is taking place in 1945 so I don’t know what the hell is going on and the game never bothers to explain itself.

Fun game though. The tank controls can be a little tricky and the game is more than a little bit difficult, but it’s got a lot of content for such a simple looking action game. There are several different routes to take too, so you can experience whole new areas each time if you like. I don’t know how different these areas are, it’s been so long since I last played it that I can’t remember which routes I’ve already picked before, and I get the feeling that the bosses are the same either way, but it’s nice to have the option at least.

A very simple and short game, but also a decent one for what it is. Catchy music, a decent variety of weird enemy types, and some decent beat-em-up action. It probably only takes about 20 minutes to beat the whole game though.

It’s one of those ones that just starts over again when you win, but with increased difficulty. I don’t see much point in continuing past one win, as I’m guessing it just goes on forever until you finally die, as these kinds of games usually do.

Fun fact: Kung Fu was known as Spartan X in Japan, which was loosely based on some obscure Chinese Jackie Chan movie (so you were actually playing as Jackie Chan in Kung Fu all this time. who knew?), and there was also a sequel game which only ever came out in Japan. Thanks to the magic of the internet though, you can download the rom which has been translated into English!

While it’s still a pretty basic beat-em-up, it does seem to have gotten some nice upgrades in terms of graphics and sound. You even get a few new moves and the bosses are a little more complicated than the super-simple ones of the original. It turned out to be a pretty decent game. Nothing amazing, but all-around enjoyable enough that I’d probably play it again someday.

You always hear the whispers about the dreaded Bayou Billy and how it’s rumored to be one of the worst NES games ever made. I always wondered how bad it could be, because I had vague memories of reading about it in Nintendo Power as a child and how could those possibly be misleading? Well, it really is a shit game.

Horrible, stiff character and combat animations. Enemies have an absolutely insane amount of health, requiring you to just sit there and pound on the attack button around a dozen times just to take out one guy. Then there’s alligators and some birds flying into my face for some reason, and a stick weapon that seems to actually make your attacks worse for some reason, and I just couldn’t take any more. Couldn’t even finish the first level, it was so terrible.

I hear that the original Japanese version, titled Mad City, was better designed and that Konami made a lot of alterations to the Americanized version that led to it being such a mess. Maybe I’ll try that version someday…maybe…

Tried this on a whim, despite all signs pointing to it most likely being awful. Eh, it wasn’t all that bad actually. It’s goofy and probably used to be an entirely different game before having the Nightmare on Elm Street name slapped onto it, but it’s a lot less crappy than that Friday the 13th NES game.

You run around fighting completely unrelated monsters by punching them a lot, and collecting all the bones in each level, which lets you progress and fight a Freddy-type boss at the end of each level. I guess this is supposed to be like Nightmare on Elm Street 2 (I think it was 2, correct me if I’m wrong) where they had to find Freddy’s remains and burn them. Sure, why not. I didn’t make it too far though, as during the 3rd level it suddenly turned out that I had run out of continues, because of course the game doesn’t tell you that they’re limited or how many you have, of course! Again, maybe I’ll give it another try someday and be more careful or just cheat or whatever.

And then it was time for some E-Swat! One of my favorite Genesis games ever, E-Swat has you playing as a future cop in a fancy mech suit, fighting against a bunch of weird, unexplained villains that seem like something out of an anime or a comic book. It’s a bit Shinobi-feeling, and I guess you could call it a run and gun, but it’s not quite as hard as the typical run and gun.

You’ll blast your way through goons, slime beasts, and an impressive selection of awesomely designed robotic enemies and bosses, but you better make sure you choose the right weapon for the job! I always wonder why this game never seemed to be popular and never spawned so much as a single sequel. Really a must-play for any Genesis fan.

One comment on “Night of the Emus

  1. A Nightmare on Elm St on NES is a pretty awesome co-op experience if you have a 2nd player, but even better if you had the NES Four Score adapter for four people to play together. It’s pure insanity and campy goodness. I loved Kung Fu as a kid. It was one of those games I’d come home from school and beat a few times per week because it was so short.

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