Watchin’ Stuff #46

This was a nice surprise. The trailer had that look of a typical low budget horror movie, where it was hard to tell if it was going to be great or fucking awful, and odds were that it would be the latter and that the trailer already contained the only small handful of good scenes in the movie. Turns out it actually wasn’t bad at all though. Oh, it’s still got a painfully low budget and some of the effects are very questionable, but they do get very creative with the kills. They don’t skimp on the action in this one either. There’s only about 30 minutes of setup and then it’s almost non-stop carnage for the rest of the movie.

Amazingly, the cast and dialogue are actually decent too. A lot of times I find that these cheesy retro throwback horror comedies try way too hard and just end up being too campy and juvenile to be enjoyable, but The Littlest Reich manages to find a good balance of compelling characters and utterly gratuitous and tasteless slaughter. Good times.

It’s not an amazing movie, but it was probably the most entertaining compared to everything else this last week or two so I guess it’s the movie of the week by default!

An interesting movie that felt oddly similar to Miss Sloane in a lot of ways. Not a particularly sympathetic main character, but Jessica Chastain and the rest of the cast manage to carry it anyway through some excellent performances and writing. An enjoyable watch if you like gambling/crime/legal dramas.

I can see why no one ever talks about this particular Wesley Snipes film. You’d think that Snipes vs. Hopper would be a great match, but this movie’s more of a slow and over-serious crime drama than a typical Snipes action-fest, and Hopper plays an unusually subdued and weaselly villain that just feels more pathetic than dangerous. It just didn’t do it for me at all.

Seen this one many, many times before, but it felt like that time again, and something I had to do if I was going to check out all these sequels I’ve never seen before. It’s still an enjoyable dumb 90’s action movie. It’s no Schwarzenegger, but it has its share of fun action and one-liners.

Wow, what a terrible movie. Van Damme’s character, having survived being part of a rogue government program to secretly use dead soldiers as zombie super-soldiers in the first one, inexplicably now works alongside a new government program that makes a new and improved version of the universal soldiers. You’d think that with his experience he’d be fighting for these soldiers’ right to freedom, but no, instead the new models are now even more slave-like, as they have chips put into their brains that allow them all to be directly controlled by an AI.

Naturally the AI goes bad and the universal soldiers all start causing trouble yet again, but everything about this movie is just horribly done that I couldn’t seem to care. It all felt like a bad TV movie and just had that special level of cringiness that could only have come from the lowest depths of the late 90’s. You know the type, where someone was desperately trying to market this to the 90’s MTV crowd, but on a really, really limited budget.

I’ve heard that the next two sequels, both by a different director, are better than this, but I’ll have to wait until next time to see. That’s all the Universal Soldier I can take for now.

Interesting premise, decent execution, and pretty consistently enjoyable, though I didn’t find myself laughing very hard through any of it. It’s more of a silent chuckle deal than a laugh out loud one if you ask me. The ending is very unusual too. Puts a very strange twist on the whole thing and kind of sucks the lightheartedness out of it all at the last minute. Maybe that’s how the real story went too, I don’t know, but it’s certainly not the kind of thing you’d expect in a goofy movie like this. Hard to really discuss it any more without giving it away, so I guess I’ll just have to leave it at that!

In short, not bad, but it’s no Game Night. 

Well, this is sure a weird one. It’s kind of terrible in a lot of ways. The plot doesn’t always make sense, the acting is pretty, and that guy who carries a puppet around with him is so annoying that I almost turned it off, but if you stick with it you get to witness a pretty interesting variety of creature effects. Not a great movie, but it’s certainly unpredictably entertaining in a cheap kind of way.

7 comments on “Watchin’ Stuff #46

  1. raistlin0903 says:

    The original Universal Soldier was definitely a fun movie. Of course not a masterpiece, but decent enough, and one I quite enjoyed. As for the upcoming two sequels…well…you would be surprised after seeing this horrible sequel, that they are actually quite decent. They are very dark…which is how I usually like my movies 😊😊

  2. marshottentot says:

    I’m real big on Spookies! A YouTube highlight for me was talking to the puppet guy😂. Anyway, the story goes that this started as a completely different movie, was never finished, and the producers essentially salvaged the footage and brought in another director who wrote the whole sorcerer bit, which kinda explains how disjointed the movie is. I love it – it’s sooo fucking weird!

  3. Peter Saturday says:

    I love the Spookies, if just for it’s 80’s cheez and the cool monsters! Just found a VHS copy of it yesterday..

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