He has asked that I:
“Write a blog post inspired by today’s Daily Inkling:
During a lapse of concentration while driving, someone cuts you off. Fortunately nothing bad happened, and you forget the whole event. Strangely, you receive an apology letter in the mail from said driver a few days later. What does it say?”
An idea popped into my head surprisingly quickly, so I thought fuck it let’s do it! Here are the results:
You don’t know me, but it was I who was behind the wheel of a certain recent vehicular encounter with yourself. I imagine that from your perspective I must have looked like quite the madman, weaving in and out of your lane with such seemingly wild abandon, but sir, I assure you that I only did so with your best interests in mind. I’m sure you won’t believe me, but I traveled here from the future in order to safeguard the very fate of humanity, a fate that rests in your much revered hands.
For you see, your direct descendant is responsible for ushering our wretched species into a new golden age. An age where mankind finally moves beyond their petty, selfish desires and prejudices and unites to forge a true utopia on Earth. Crime, hatred, poverty, and so much more have been almost entirely abolished. Borders are a thing of the past, as we have finally come to embrace our multicultural neighbors as siblings.
There are even more wonders of this enlightened age which I could recount, but the finer details are unimportant right now. What matters most is the safety of your most integral bloodline and I had no choice but to intercept your ground vehicle in such a rude manner, as my failure to delay your travels would have resulted in you falling into an unbelievable chain of events concluding in your untimely demise.
I’d like to believe that knowing this will enable you to forgive me, as I simply couldn’t bear the shame of knowing I’d offended the beloved progenitor of peace. I would wish you the best, but I know deep in my heart that you won’t need such wishes now, as our history has regaled us with many tales of the course of your favored existence. You, and the family you have yet to begin, will know unimaginable happiness, and in time will bless our entire race with the same gift.
So please, forgive me and accept my humble prostrations as I return to my beautiful time. I only did what was necessary for us all. Farewell, proud ancestor of sublimity!
A Kind Cut-Off
Just kidding, I just needed you to hold this letter long enough for the deadly poison to fully absorb into your skin. MAYBE THAT’LL TEACH YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY FUCKING LANE IN THE FUTURE! OH WAIT, IT WON’T, BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO BUSY DYING A HORRIBLE, ORIFICE-BLEEDING DEATH! HAHA FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!