THE GREATEST CREATION SINCE SOLID MATTER AND SENTIENT LIFE!!! Right, Well-Red? ;D
It’s that time again. Spider-Man time. With the long-running Dan Slott era of Spider-Man finally about to end soon after a whole decade, it’s time to go back and read all the good old stories of my favorite superhero. Bear with me, this might take quite some time… Continue Reading
Back in the early 90’s, before the great dark age began, Marvel suddenly decided to start a whole new line of comics that took place in the future. The original 2099 universe died out after only 3 years, but it was never forgotten and some of the characters still pop up every now and then. Spider-Man 2099 even had his own series again for a while there not long ago.
Anyway, let’s talk about the wacky future world of Marvel and its various ups and downs.
Doom 2099 was one of my favorites of the line. A big super-villain suddenly getting his own ongoing title was pretty unusual back in the day, and this one also stood apart from the others by featuring an original version of a character from the present day instead of a futuristic replacement like the rest of the line. They never really explain very clearly how Doctor Doom is still alive in the far future, but whatever.
John Francis Moore, a writer that’s mostly known (or unknown) for entirely forgettable runs on some big titles, does possibly his best work ever here, bringing a surprisingly entertaining tale of a seemingly timelost and semi-amnesiac Doctor Doom trying to conquer a dystopian cyberpunk future.
The later issues of the series also feature some early work by Warren Ellis, who has Doom become the President of the United States. He sets up a lot of interesting things with a lot of potential, but it ends up having a pretty rushed ending since the whole 2099 line ended up collapsing. Still a pretty decent read overall though.
Punisher 2099 is one strange book, co-written by Pat Mills, head of 2000AD and writer of classic stories such as Marshal Law, ABC Warriors, and Slaine. This version of The Punisher actually feels very much like a mash-up of Marshal Law, Slaine, and maybe a bit of Judge Dredd. It wouldn’t be a Pat Mills story without some biting social commentary so here we see a disturbing vision of the future where the police only protect those who can afford to pay their subscription fees. Future cop Jake Gallows gets fed up with this system and decides to dish out his own brand of brutal justice for free. He’s also more than a little bit mentally unstable and naturally, it’s debatable whether or not he’s just as bad as the criminals he punishes.
It’s a very chaotic and over the top book, almost to the point of satire (which is also standard fare for Mills), which will surely not be to everyone’s taste and the art is very 90’s X-TREEEEEEEEEME, but I thought it was a pretty fun series overall.
And then there’s Ravage, the one main 2099 character that wasn’t based on a pre-existing character, though you could hardly be blamed if you thought that he looked suspiciously similar to Grimjack. Surprisingly, Ravage started out being written by Stan Lee himself. Ravage is a very confused character though, starting out as a clean-cut corporate man who literally just transforms into a rugged dystopian tough guy overnight, complete with entirely new behavior and speech patterns. There’s no actual reason for these drastic changes other than the fact that Ravage lost his job and became a fugitive and so instantly became a completely different person. Later he suddenly also gains the ability to shoot energy blasts out of his hands.
The early issues are actually pretty awful. It’s no surprise at all that they had to bring in a new creative team and completely revamp the character after only 8 issues. Pat Mills was given the title and suddenly Ravage lost his Grimjack look and energy blasts and became some kind of weird werebeast. The book improves a lot with Mills, but it still never really takes off beyond average quality. In fact, it starts going downhill a lot again in the later issues, where Ravage suddenly leaves his dystopian future city setting to go run around in the wastelands and jungles outside with his new giant bat companion and transforms yet again into a kind of bad Hulk knockoff. Unfortunately, Ravage is ultimately better left forgotten.
Other than the fact that all the characters are mutants, there’s almost no connections at all to the modern day X-Men or any of their villains in X-Men 2099. It might as well be an entirely unrelated property, but it’s still a decent book for what it is. The problems the team faces are pretty off-beat, and it all feels very different than your usual, everyday superhero team book. It kinda feels more like one of those strange independent superhero teams like Ex-Mutants or something. It never really rises above being merely “decent”, so I don’t know that I’d exactly recommend it, but it’s a lot better than Ravage at least…
There was also a short-lived spinoff series, X-Nation 2099, which focused on a new team of younger mutants. Now THAT one was truly fucking awful. It got canceled after only 6 issues and it’s easy to see why. It’s one of those unbearable X-TREEEEEEEME 90’s teen books where everyone talks like they’re in a bad 90’s toy commercial, and have about the same level of character depth too.
Ghost Rider 2099 unsurprisingly has absolutely nothing to do with the original Ghost Rider. No more supernatural stuff here, instead Ghost Rider is now a high-tech android body inhabited by the mind of a dead hacker who was placed there by a mysterious group of AIs. The tech jargon can be a little silly at times, it occasionally feels like Len Kaminski was just throwing random computer terms in there just to sound futuristic. Despite that, the story is still pretty interesting and it’s all extremely 90’s cyberpunk.
And then there’s the original Spider-Man 2099 series. This was my first and favorite 2099 title as a kid. Does it still hold up today? Ehhhhh…it’s a mixed bag. Peter David writes some interesting scripts, as usual, but the overarching story is just so scattered and directionless, and the art is almost constantly changing and usually it’s not very good. There are some decent stories in here, but that’s about the highest compliment I can give it. Sometimes decent. Far from David’s best work.
This sentiment sums up the classic 2099 line as a whole, really. It has a lot of great ideas with a ton of potential, and occasionally it would get really close to realizing that potential, but it just never quite came together all the way. There are some entertaining stories here, but none of them are what I would call essential.
But wait, it’s not quite over yet!
Spider-Man 2099 returned a few years ago with Peter David at the helm again, was canceled 12 issues in when Secret Wars hit, “replaced” with a Secret Wars 2099 mini-series, and then immediately relaunched yet again for a 25 issue run. Confusing? That’s superhero comics for you.
Anyway, this run of Spider-Man 2099 is easily the best thing to ever come out of the 2099 universe. Unfortunately, it also relies heavily on references to Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2099 history, so I imagine that it’s probably not very new-reader friendly. Great for long-time fans like me though. A weird and complicated long-running plot that features a lot of convoluted time-travelling and alternate realities, but I’m all for that sort of thing.
Ultimately, I don’t think I’d recommend most of the 2099 world to anyone but the most die-hard Marvel fans that were looking for something off-beat and obscure and were willing to overlook a lot of flaws. It was an interesting experiment to see what superheroes might be like in a dystopian cyberpunk future, but overall I’d say it was a failed one.
I don’t get all the hype surrounding this one. Sure, Robert Pattinson plays a convincing criminal scumbag, but that’s about the only nice thing I can say about Good Time. It’s a really grimy crime drama where very little actually happens, it just focuses on how terrible the main character and his friends and family are. I suppose that’s why people like it, because the characters are so convincing in how repulsive they are, but that’s not much of a positive in my book. Terrible pacing, unpleasant characters, and an oddly blaring synthwave soundtrack that doesn’t feel like it matches anything that’s happening on screen. No thanks.
After watching Mother I realized that I hadn’t actually seen the last few Aronofsky movies for some reason. Black Swan is no Mother, but it was a decent thriller with some surreal reality-bending twists, even to someone with absolutely no interest in ballet.
Ah, I should have known. Pretty much anything that has to pad its title with “a much more famous director presents” is going to be shitfest, especially yet another “Wes Craven Presents” horror movie. Just another piece of typical late 90’s straight-to-video trash that was almost entirely filler that was trying to disguise the fact that the budget was about $500.
Well this was a strange one. Cast A Deadly Spell is a detective noir story in a world where everyone uses magic. The intro text is literally just “1948, Los Angeles. Everyone uses magic.”! It seems like something you’d expect to see in an old Vertigo comic, and it’s kind of surprising that they actually made a whole movie of it back in the early 90’s. It’s very ambitious, and while the budget isn’t quite capable of backing up everything they try to do here, and it’s more than a little cheesy, it still managed to be decently entertaining.
Now this is one that actually lives up to all its hype. This is easily Martin McDonagh’s best movie so far. It’s kind of hard to describe the plot. A woman is looking for justice for her raped and murdered daughter and gets into a weirdly complicated conflict with the local police and other townsfolk. It’s part drama, part black comedy, and it has an amazing cast of complex characters. Highly recommended.
This was a surprise. A Netflix horror movie that seemed to appear out of nowhere that’s actually good? Quite good, in fact. The Ritual had a great atmosphere that starts out feeling like a higher quality version of The Blair Witch, but then takes some strange, unexpected turns. Definitely check this one out if you’re a horror fan.
Ugh. Why do they keep making these? Why do I keep watching them? I suppose that it’s technically an improvement, since I couldn’t get through 20 minutes of the last Hellraiser, but it’s still a pretty bad movie overall. It’s a shame, because I get the feeling that the people behind this had good intentions and that they wanted to tell a better Hellraiser story than the last several barely-related sequels, but they just didn’t have the talent to pull it off. It has an interesting core concept, but it’s all just so shoddy, including the standard garbage horror movie move of padding most of the movie with a huge stretch of barely anything happening in the middle because they just didn’t have the budget to do anything more interesting. What a waste.
This seemed like it could be an interesting story, but it just didn’t work for me. I think most of the blame lies in the inexplicable decision to present most of the story as if it was a comedy, despite almost nothing actually being funny. None of the serious situations seem to have any tension because they’re too busy trying to play everything as a joke without actually putting any jokes in. Cruise just kind of fumbles around like Jack Tripper and there are some strange animated transition sequences, all of which seem like they’re supposed to be making you laugh, but just end up draining the tension out of what would otherwise be a pretty serious story. Oh well.
Another movie from the horror crap pile, Cheerleader Camp is painfully 80’s, but in all the wrong ways. It feels more like some bad 80’s teen sex comedy than a horror movie. Not enough focus on the horror and the jokes just aren’t funny in either an intentional or accidental sense.
The latest Scott Adkins film, which is based on the 2000AD comic by Pat Mills of the same name. Pretty standard Scott Adkins movie, kind of mid-range quality, neither amazing or terrible, but with some pretty impressive fight scenes. This one has Adkins playing an assassin who suddenly finds himself up against all the other members of his local assassin’s club in a very John Wick kind of way (though the original comic came out almost 30 years ago). Pretty enjoyable if you’re into that sort of thing.
Awww yeah. It was even better than I expected. I don’t know why, I guess I felt a tinge of doubt because of the less familiar characters and setting. Silly, I know, but the sad truth is that there just aren’t a whole lot of good Black Panther comics out there, so I wasn’t sure how they would go about making something great out of mostly weak source material. They really did it though. They did a great job making this whole new unknown world and its culture strange and interesting, yet not so alien that it wasn’t understandable or relatable.
It was a little deeper, darker, and surprisingly light on comedy compared to most other Marvel movies too. It felt like something refreshingly different, yet still something that fits well in the greater Marvel Cinematic Universe. The supporting cast and villain were really done too. They didn’t feel like just background characters or plot devices, they had a lot more personality than a lot of secondary characters in superhero movies usually do. Good times. Can’t believe Infinity War is almost here already too! Wooooo!