So now that I have a smart tv packed full of emulators, it seems that I’m going to be playing a lot more classic games again. I won’t be able to take proper videos of the action like I could on the old PC, but eh, whatever. I’ll just have to talk your heads off in this horribly-named new feature instead.

One of the nice things about emulators is that you can play rare translated foreign games or odd little hacks like the Ninja Gaiden 3 easy mode hack version. Most people who played NES back in the day will tell you good things about Ninja Gaiden 1 and 2, but no one will ever say “boy that Ninja Gaiden 3 sure was great!” though. Arguably the biggest reason behind this was the bizarre spike in difficulty in what was already a near-obscenely difficult series. The levels and enemies were even tougher than before, but even worse was the fact that Tecmo had now slapped a 5 continue limit on you, making the game virtually impossible to finish legitimately. This hacked version tones things down a bit and does away with the continue limit, but make no mistake, it’s still an incredibly difficult game.

Unfortunately, even with the difficulty issues removed, it’s just an inferior game to its predecessors all around. The story is goofy nonsense about mutant clones and inter-dimensional invaders and there just isn’t anything particularly new or memorable about any of the levels or enemies. It’s still a classic Ninja Gaiden game, and so it’s not entirely devoid of fun, but it’s just one of those lazy just-more-of-the-same sequels that doesn’t really bring anything of its own to the table.

Fatal Rewind was one of those weird Genesis games that you found randomly at the video store, but never heard of anywhere else. This was back in the day when EA was pumping out a lot of weird, obscure Amiga ports for Genesis and doing a terrible job of advertising any of them. Fatal Rewind dug its own grave even deeper by being unbelievably difficult. The premise is that you’re on a futuristic reality TV show where you have to fight your way through a bunch of deadly enemies in a bunch of deadly levels to survive, but the catch is that there’s deadly acid rising from the floor in every level, giving you a pretty unforgiving time limit to find the exits.

To make matters worse the levels get increasingly labyrinthine and convoluted. I mean shit gets really, really over-complicated. In one later level, where the enemies and level layout are already tough enough by themselves, it also turns out that you need to collect 9 letters scattered throughout the level. Naturally this sounds too easy, and it is, because you can only pick them up using a Collector equippable item, and you can only carry one equippable item at a time, including all the various keys you need to get through a level, and it’s the only one of its kind in the whole level, AND it has limited uses too. Oh good, you juggled the Collector through the whole level and got all the letters and made it to the exit? Well it’s still locked you fucking idiot, because you have to use an unexplained series of switches to operate a weird devices that rearranges letters to spell out a word to unlock the exit. Hope you figure it out before that acid gets here!

This game is just…it’s absolutely impossible without using save states unless you’re some kind of grand master video game savant, and I’m not bad, but I’m not that level. I always wanted to see the later levels and finish this damn game though. Big surprise, there is basically no ending anyway, and it took so long to beat this one that I ran out of time to play any others so that’s the end for now. Oh welllllllllllllll.

Pint N’ Play #006 – Aborted Halloween Special!

This is the semi-failed video from the day before Halloween. I had a perfect night of games all lined up, starting with House of the Dead 1-3. House of the Dead 1 was a pain in the ass to get started. I could only get it to run in a virtual XP box, and even then it wasn’t at its best. House of the Dead 3 somehow didn’t record right and I had to redo it all, because after doing 1 and 2 I didn’t want to just leave 3 out. Next was supposed to be Breakfast At Cemetery, which I’ve played and recorded before, but it didn’t end up recording. The recording didn’t work this time either, for an entirely different reason, and I will probably never play that again (fun game though). Next was going to be Silent Hill: The Arcade Game, which I found out had been ported to PC…except it doesn’t actually work properly for everyone, apparently. Couldn’t get past the first 20 minutes or so without running into an impassable glitch. I’ll try to get it running properly someday, but I sure didn’t feel like spending hours doing that at the time so I just gave up on games for the night at that point. Here is House of the Dead 1-3 though. Don’t want to let that part go to waste.

Pint N’ Play #005

Games played this time:

Virtua Cop 2, Smoking Simulator, Target: Earth, Cybernator

Things I learned since:

It IS possible to finish days in Smoking Simulator…in fact, I kinda want to play it some more now that I know what to do. One of these days. Also, take a look at names of the things in those purchase orders. I didn’t really have time to look while I was trying to rush through them, but looking back on it, there’s some crazy stuff in there.

Target: Earth and Cybernator ARE definitely actually related. They’re part of this whole Assault Suits series apparently and there are 3 more sequels, but none of them were released in the US. I’ll have to look into that…