Watchin’ Stuff

Well, this was disappointing, though I shouldn’t really be surprised with it having been in production limbo for a decade or so. You can kind of tell that this movie was made back in 2006 or so, but they were never able to quite finish it and eventually just said fuck it, just release it. Bad characters, bad story, lots of promises to reveal the secret of the monster, but zero payoff. The death scenes were oddly bland and tame. It all just screams TV movie. They left it all open for another sequel where I would imagine they would finally answer all the damn questions this brought up, but I doubt anyone cares anymore at this point.

Wife wanted to watch a vampire movie, because she always wants to watch vampire movies, but you know why we don’t always watch vampire movies? Because there aren’t very many of them that are actually worth watching. This one was no different and there’s clearly a very good reason that you never hear about it. Turned it off after 45 minutes of absolutely nothing happening.

Wow, where did this come from? Wind River is a top notch crime thriller that feels almost like something you’d expect from Fincher or Villeneuve, but instead came from a guy whose only other directing credit is some straight to video Saw knock off that I think I tried and failed to watch on Netflix years ago. Great cast, great acting, great writing, great cinematography, this one has it all. It’s a really intense movie and I would highly recommend it to anyone that likes dark, violent thrillers. I have a feeling that we’re all going to be hearing director Taylor Sheridan’s name a lot soon.

What the fuck was this movie? It’s about an evil health clinic that’s testing chemicals on unsuspecting citizens, and these chemicals make them hallucinate and/or explode and/or have other bizarrely disgusting and impossible physical reactions. The movie just jumps around between different barely related characters in a seemingly random fashion and the plot is just all over the place. It often feels more like a stroll through a random freakshow attraction than a coherent story, and I suppose that in some masochistic way it was entertaining at times in that ridiculous way. It kind of reminded me of an early Peter Jackson film. I don’t know that I can say that I liked it, but it was certainly a unique experience. I think I’ll hold on to it just for the novelty.

Body Parts is the baffling tale of a man who receives an arm transplant from a serial killer and then finds that the arm is somehow giving him mental flashes of evil and starting to get a mind of its own. There is no supernatural reason for this, the movie just vaguely suggests that evil is genetic, and so much so that if you get a body part that’s super evil, it will still have super evil in it. The main character meets other people who received other limbs from the same person, who have also been experiencing similar side effects.

Later, it turns out that the serial killer’s head was transplanted onto another body for some reason, and he comes back and starts killing all the limb recipients and taking his limbs back because…I guess he just wants his parts back for some reason and thinks he’s going to get himself put back together? It turns out that the doctor who performed all these operations was behind it and knew that he was still alive and doing this, and was even helping him do it for unfathomable reasons. Her whole thing was that she was doing this all for the science of it and wanted to be able to use this technique to change the world and let everyone get new limbs when needed, so how does helping this serial killer undo all her work so she can put him back together help any of that?

Also, the guys new arm stops being evil when the serial killer finally dies in the end. This movie makes no fucking sense…yet I still kinda liked it. I can’t explain it. It’s so very stupid, but still mildly entertaining somehow.

I guess this is…an erotic thriller/romance? It’s another strange movie from Park Chan-Wook, Korean director of Oldboy and other fine films. As usual with Korean films it’s very strange and unpredictable. It’s hard to talk about the plot much without spoiling the many twists so let’s just say it’s about a girl from a family of thieves and conmen who infiltrates this rich household in order to groom a strange young heiress so that her uncle can marry her and get his hands on her money, but things don’t quite go as planned and nothing is as it seems. It’s a pretty fascinating story if you can handle copious amounts of pretty graphic sex scenes.

A pretty entertaining 80’s slasher. It’s kind of a stereotypical slasher, full of dumb, horny teenagers camping in some strange woods and getting stalked by a mysterious killer for no particular reason. It’s packed full of hilariously bad dialogue and catchy 80’s music, and it’s not the greatest slasher I’ve ever seen, but it embodied the essence of 80’s slasher movies well enough to be suitably entertaining.

Not quite sure how this movie got its title. It’s about a crazy lady who kills her sister and her husband so she can keep their child and raise him as her own, then fast forward 14 years or so and crazy aunt is still crazy and doing everything she can to control her nephew and keep him in her life. Things like killing a TV repair man and claiming that he tried to rape her, but then nephew walks into the scene and accidentally ends up a suspect for the questionable killing, especially when it turns out that the victim was actually gay. Then this shady detective starts investigating the murder, and he turns out to be severely homophobic, to the point where he ignores the evidence his partner digs up about the shady past of the aunt because he becomes so obsessed with taking down anyone he thinks might be gay. So the nephew ends up stuck between his psycho aunt trying to derail his life to keep him dependent and this equally psycho cop constantly accusing him of being gay and trying to pin a murder on him. Strange and kind of unpleasant movie, but surprisingly, compelling enough that I sat through the whole thing to see what would happen. It was really more of a thriller than a horror, but it was alright.

Last, but not least, we went to see The Last Jedi. Well you can firmly place us in the “love it” side of the debate. I won’t go into spoilerific details, I’ll just say that it was packed full of memorable moments, amazing looking battles, and an interesting plot that probably isn’t going to go quite how you think. It wasn’t perfect, the casino planet part was a little underwhelming and they got a little carried away with those hamster penguin things, but for the most part it was another extremely enjoyable entry in the modern Star Wars universe and I’m pretty pleased with the direction they took.